Dream Ex

Dear K,

I know you said you’d always love me, but I need you to let me go now. It’s been 6 years apart and you still keep showing up in my dreams. I feel like you’re somehow channeling yourself to be there. Have you read some book and discovered some way to insert yourself into my dreams? Is it sitting on your nightstand right now, sitting on top of a pile of books next to a large cup of coffee?

In my dreams, it’s always an emotional reunion but it’s never happy. It’s bittersweet and usually involves an emotional hug or embrace followed by one of us walking away shortly after. And I know that means even my subconscious (unconscious?) mind knows that we are simply not meant to be together.

I miss being like your mentor and hearing about work. The way you made life’s heaviness feel so light. I miss bonding over our work stories. I miss the laughter and the connection and the way we were spiritually connected. It’s something I never imagined experiencing.

I do not miss your secrets, your manipulation and deceit, our contrasting values and future plans, and being disrespected. Or the way you walked away from me. The way you left me alone at parties so you could be the center of attention. The things about me you tried to change, tried to control. The way you simply could not commit to me long term.

So that’s why I’m asking you to let me go. And I know that means I have to let you go too. The memories will always remain but the idea that anything we had was perfect or something to yearn for needs to be let go. It needs to be put to rest forever.