Aftermath of a late miscarriage. Am I normal!?

So My waters broke at 16weeks, I PPROM’d.

At 16+5 my daily scan confirmed our worst nightmare, our little boys heart had stopped beating. From there it’s a blur, on the 30th May I was induced into labour and an extremely physically and emotionally painful delivery of his tiny but perfectly formed body followed. The funeral, carrying his tiny coffin, was one of the most surreal days. Now everyday I think of our baby boy Mika whilst I kiss his ashes and try and battle through the day with a smile. This month we tried for the first time and failed. That period devastated me. Ruined me for a good few days.

I have two questions for the ladies out there who have miscarried:

1. Do you desperately want to be pregnant but don’t want to do the early stages again? It sounds ridiculous, like I should want all of it, but I just want to skip to feeling my baby kick and having the bump! Maybe partly because I want the security of knowing I have a happy healthy baby!? Does it sound selfish or odd?

2. Does anyone else feel like everyone around you thinks you should have moved on? Like when you were pregnant people would want to know how you are and see you, then when it went wrong everyone wanted to give you support and check in. Now, only a month on from his funeral, I feel I’m expected to have ‘got over it’, no really asks how I am or if I okay anymore, when actually I think I may be the worst I’ve been. The trauma of the whole experience has worn off and now it’s the cold hard reality.

I just need to know I’m not crazy you know?