Am I Bored with my Boyfriend?

Question

Hi ladies!! 
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now and it’s been kind of rough. We lived together before but he moved out because of some family things. Since our dating backgrounds are different we argue about a lot. We are trying to get better now talking things out more and he has since moved back in and has been back for like 6 months. 
In the beginning we had A LOT of sex. I mean like random, passionate and intense now though... it kind of feels burned out. It’s like a chore than a urge. Sometimes its great but more or less it’s “hey wanna have sex”, “sure” then we do it and go on about our day. I’m not sure if it’s a mutual emotional thing because we argue and sex is our form of “makeup” or if I’m just being a bitch and in my feelings because of that and my own insecurities. (I’ve gained like 30 pounds since dating him and don’t feel as good as I used to). We don’t get dressed and go out and have fun any more. All we do is work, go out to eat, go to the movies & sleep. 
I don’t know what to do. Overall I’m just like stone faced about the whole relationship. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not horrible but that honeymoon phase is definitely over. 
Am I just bored, too comfortable or is this how relationships are? I need HELPPP 😩

Answer

Yes your bored. It happens to new or married couples.  You have to find a hobby together, things to do, yes make the effort to put on makeup or look good daily and go do something with him whether it be shopping, a road trip, or dinner.  Do not ask “want to have sex” again, trust me.  Initiate it physically and don’t leave it up to him,  doesn’t matter if your confident or not but pretend to be, he’s with you, he’s seen it,  he likes it or he wouldn’t be there, so flaunt it and be confident in bed.  Decide if the love is there to continue on. Hope it works out.

Answer

Relationships can be boring, but don't have to be!  I would start working on myself first. Maybe get a new hairstyle, I would even start going to the gym some.  Surprise him with some sexy lingerie or a home cooked meal.

Answer

I think you guys need to spice it up a bit. Things have gotten a little routine with my man also so i randomly told him to get up and be ready when I get home and then I took him to happy hour and we did shots for fun 🤷🏻‍♀️ even simple little things like that can make a huge difference.

Answer

Relationships can only stay fully lustful for so long. There have been actual psychological studies that say after 2.5 years (yes it’s actually that amount of time, it’s been measured....) you can’t possibly feel that same type of “butterflies in my stomach” love anymore. But if you’re with the right person, that love evolves into companionate love. You could do more research on that if you’re interested. Search “companionate love” and see if it rings any bells for you. It’s a type of love that’s actually much deeper than lust..... where you start to love someone like a part of your family, a part of yourself, and honestly they feel like your best friend more than they’re your “lover” lol. Because of this, MANY people mistake this for “falling out of love” when it’s actually just the transition from lustful romantic love, to companionate love. 
This transition will happen with EVERY person you date. You just have to accept that you can’t stay lustfully in love in the same way, with ANYONE forever. Eventually, every longterm love will evolve into companionate love..... whether it’s your current boyfriend or someone different. So the question is, are you with the right person to be in a companionate-love relationship with?
Companionate love is much less “passionate” and much less “exciting.” It’s the point where you have to WORK to keep the spark alive. It’s NORMAL to have to work to keep the spark alive in a longterm relationship. You cannot expect to have fiery passionate love with him (or anyone else!) forever, without working very hard to keep it like that, and even then, you still won’t feel like it at times.
I’ve been with my husband for 3.5 years. There are times when I think he is the most wonderful, most amazing, and sexiest man alive. And then there are other times where he’s just driving me insane and honestly bugs me like how a sibling would (not to make a gross comparison lol but it IS really like that). But that’s not because we’re “out of love,” it’s because we’re truly family. And family gets on each others nerves and can’t stay passionate and blissfully happy all the time.
You will never, ever have a longterm relationship where you don’t have to eventually work to keep the spark alive. Is HE the person you want to do that work for?

Am I Bored with my Boyfriend?

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