Just don't know how to feel...

Recently I had a faint line on 2 pregnancy test (cheap ones from tesco) I did 2 clear blues and they were negative....I thought I'd be pleased as I've got a 10 month old and the labour with her was the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life but also the best... I've always said she would be my one and only and I really meant it...an even after the two faint tests I felt so guilty and slightly upset because she still needs me and always will really...but then when the negatives came I felt hurt more than I ever though I could like really heart wrenching disappointment.....I just don't know what to feel anymore