I feel so devastated

I had an ectopic pregnancy exactly 11 months ago today and a miscarriage back in April. Last Sunday I went to a friends baby shower and ever since I’ve been in a horrible, horrible funk I can’t seem to get out of. All I want to do is cry. I’m ovulating this week too so I’ve been bd with my husband all week and last night afterwards I just started crying. I’ve been having horrible nightmares about having another ectopic pregnancy all this week I feel like I’m still so traumatized from it all and I am so sick of all the cliche sayings people tell me. Stop telling me to stop stressing over it and it’ll happen when it happens and realize how much pain I am in from everything. I really wish people understood that sometimes it’s better to say nothing and I know they are just trying to help but so many things people have said to me since my losses are just painful to hear. I know I shouldn’t give up hope but nothing looks like it’s going in my favor and I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I’m just struggling with everything right now.