Suicide loss

Yanet β€’

3 years ago on July 11, 2016. I lost my fiance to suicide. Even though I've moved on and was engaged to someone else for a while I still miss him and love him with all my heart. I have guilt. Anger. Sadness. All of the mixed emotions. But today for some reason its hitting me hard.

I miss him so much and need him. Think about how would life had been if he was still here. He passed when I was 6 months pregnant.

This was one of his favorite pictures. We were arguing that whole weekend over the stupidest thing. He came and kissed me in the forehead and I refused to kiss him back. He said he was going to kill himself..... and since I had heard it before I replied with

Omg go kill yourself already. 😭😭😭😭😭

That was on the 10th of July

I'll never forgive myself for those words.

The next morning. The 11th he went to the restroom and I still refused to talk to him, although I was going to ask him let's go to 7/11 for a free slurpee. I wish I had. He would still be here.

Later during the day I hadn't seen him so I went to look for him he was in our garage hanging. I thought he was playing so I kept talking to him for like 5 minutes until I realized something was wrong. I went to touch him and he was cold and stiff. I called 911, I screamed, i tried to pick him up but i couldnt he was too heavy.

I miss you Hal. I'm sorry. I blame myself every single day of your death. It still hurts. You were the most amazing gentleman.he treated me like a princess, and I'm not exaggerating, he made sure I was always ok. Every morning he would have a rose for me on our dinning room table with a card of how much he loved me. If I craved something he would make it for me. He loved my daughter like his own. He took care of me. He loved me with all his heart and he left this world feeling unloved 😭😭😭

Sometimes I still cant believe it. And I close my eyes and I just see him hanging and it's like I get stabbed in the heart all over again.