Hi, just annoyed... need somewhere to put it

Been TTC #1 for over 10 years, nearly 11... yes I have tried everything. Yes even dangerous stuff like buying pills online (stupid I know, it was a few years back now). Yes, we have seen doctors and specialists and tried certified meds like letrozole and clomid, yes we have had <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> and both times it failed. Yes we’ve both been tested and no one can understand why I am such a failure as a woman and can’t give my husband a baby.

Yes I completely feel like giving up!

At the moment I am NTNP as I just feel like saying “I’ve had enough” but at the same time, how guilty would I feel if the month I gave up was the month I could have given my husband a child. How I’d ever know that, I don’t know, I’m anovulatory with regular cycles, PCOS and never have PMS so all I know if I’m on my period or I’m not - no warning... but still

I’m pissed off because I’m currently CD36. My husband and I go away on holiday next week and I just know AF is waiting to show her ugly, unwanted head so I have to put up with her through my damn holiday!

Like I know I’m not pregnant FFS, I’ve lost all hope on that happening naturally waaaaaaay back, but really? Have to wait and show up late just to crash my damn holiday?! It’s my luck 🤬

We’re going to stay with my dad, his girlfriend and my half-brother and she winds me up as it is, don’t need AF as well!

Sorry for the rant