Any advice is so much appreciated. I’m in the craziest scenario I feel that anyone could go through. I’m gonna get straight to the point. I’m a straight female, 18. My gay best friend of 3 years proposed the idea of trying out friends with benefits with him 3 months ago, because he was becoming bi-curious. I’ve had lowkey feelings for him for like 6 months now and for the first three i was able to ignore them because well you know, I thought he was gay. Next part, Now I know this may sound really cocky but there’s been way too many instances of this. We literally cuddle all the time when we’re together (before sex, after sex etc lol), hold hands in the car etc still laugh at the stupidest shit together, make amazing memories together, comfort each other when we have shit going on, calls all the time, texts everyday, literally almost everything that people do when they’re ‘in love’ and like I can’t take it. Now that we’re doing this, I’m okay with casual shit but it’s getting to my head because I know have feelings for him. But here’s the problem, I’m keeping it bottled up and not pressing him about it because I know he’s still figuring shit out on this end of the sexuality spectrum so I don’t mention shit about feelings anymore although he is aware I have them for him. It really bugs me because i feel like he just wont admit to himself that he has feelings for me and I want to give a few examples of this and ask if I’m wrong or right about it??

Like, I know he says bro but we say it all the time lol also I’m like really close to saying what I wanna say without saying it to him here but if I had actually said what I wanted to say I think he would’ve been like huh because he’d be playing dumb but the way I worded it forced him to think it’s something general that’s got me all rocked up.

Little bit of background: he’s a cocky dude in general, he thinks the most of himself 🙄but he can also be super sweet and kind but it’s at the most unexpected of times and it’s really only shown with me. I’m always with him, a lot. I’ve literally been called a ‘nice girl’ by his grandma and that she’s glad I’m such ‘great friends with him’. After not having seen him for two weeks one time, he told me ‘it’s been really fucking hard not being able to call you and talk with you during the day’ and also he gave me an early birthday gift. Oh fuck, also he lets me wear his jacket that I’ve had for like 9 months lol I know it sounds all made up but I’m being serious, this shit is all over the place. I feel like I’m at my best with him and I’m always so happy to be around him but being apart causes me to become a drift because I find myself forcing myself to be distant so I’m not all lovey doves over text and what not.