Ugh why now seriously

I am already stressed because my wedding changed from a courthouse style to a full on church weddding on Sunday. Money is right, and tonight i come home to see that my kittens, i got 2 ( one for each confirmed loss) the third was not a confirmed. They knocked of my little memory shadow box of tests, wrist bands, and the very little i had to remind me of our first baby who would have been due 9/28/19. I broke immediately. Can’t stop crying blaming myself for being a failure as to why my fiancé can’t become a father. I have two very healthy beautiful girls who were adopted by a family member... why me, why now, why tonight?