Fiance doesn't want a wedding.

Need to vent...

I'm feeling super emotional today. My fiance proposed last December and our wedding is set for February. Before we booked any vendors, we had a talk about the budget. I was nervous about the cost, but my fiance was fine with it. He even encouraged me to get the dress I wanted even though it was 3X my dress budget. (I went for a less expensive, but still gorgeous dress) Never did he bring up the idea of skipping the wedding altogether.

We are also in the middle of home renovations thanks to a leak we found April 2018. The renovations started before the proposal, and the costs were brought up when we talked about the wedding budget.

I've been stressing about our debt and the cost of the house and wedding. I tried to have a discussion with my fiance about it last night in an attempt to find things we can cut back on to give us more cash to throw at the debt so we're not maxed out of everything after the wedding. His response was "we could just not have a wedding." (He still wants to get married, just elope.)

I got upset and told him it's a little late for that. We've already paid several thousand dollars in deposits, I've done quite a bit of DIY work on the centerpieces and flowers, the wedding party already ordered their outfits, and save the dates went out months ago. Many guests have already booked their plain tickets and hotel rooms (most guest are from out of town)

I told him I wish he had said something before we booked all our vendors. He said "you didn't want to talk about it", which is bull. He didn't even try to bring it up until now. I cried myself to sleep last night, and I woke up upset this morning.

I feel torn. I've always wanted a wedding, I think I deserve to have that day to celebrate our love with friends and family. However, now I feel guilty that we're spending so much money on the wedding and he doesn't even want to have one. I feel selfish, even though I know I'm not.

I told him I wanted to talk about the wedding tonight. I want to see if he really doesn't want to go through with the wedding, or if he was just frustrated with the finances. If he really doesn't want the wedding, I don't know what to do. I'm considering calling it off and just going to the courthouse, but I don't want to regret it later. I also don't want to deal with friends and family asking why we cancelled the wedding.

EDIT:

1) We both make decent money and both the wedding and renovations will be paid off within 2 years even if we don't start paying the debt until February. We've had several emergencies come up in the last year that has set us back, but we're financially stable and can afford the wedding. We did not register and have spread by word of mouth that we'd prefer cash to go towards the cost of the wedding. This will help, but we'll still be ok without it.

2) I'm not upset that he doesn't want the wedding. I'm upset that he waited until we've already signed contracts and paid deposits that are 100% nonrefundable. If he told me when we talked about the budget, I would have been all for eloping and having a potluck after. I never said I deserve a big, expensive wedding. I said I deserve to celebrate with friends and family. It doesn't have to cost a lot.

3) I've included him on all decisions throughout the wedding planning process. I've stressed about the money from the start, and it was never a concern for him. I'm doing a lot on my own to save money, but between venue, catering, dessert (he insisted on gelato, so that's what we booked), DJ, Photographer... It all adds up. We're not having a videographer, we are doing a beer & wine only event, and we've cut out a few nice-to-haves from the venue's original package to cut costs. We've cut the guest list down to immediate family and friends that are in our daily lives. (I have a huge family, so it's still about 75 people)

UPDATE:

We talked it over. He wants the wedding, but he doesn't know how to ease my concerns about the money. We went over what we have spent so far, what the rest of the wedding is going to cost, and what is left for the house. We looked at how much of the house stuff we've already paid, and on average what we're paying off each month. We're actually not doing that bad, but we've also agreed on a few cutbacks. Choosing a burger over a steak, cooking chicken at home over going out for sushi. Little things that will add up a lot.