Am I wrong for being upset about this?! (Bf’s rude mother is staying with us)
(WARNING: long post ahead but I need opinions!)
So my boyfriends mother is staying with us for 2 weeks. Before this point, she hasn’t seen my bf since she walked out when he was 9, apart from when he went to visit her once when he was 16 (he’s 27 now). They’ve talked a bit here and there but not much. My bf and I have an 18 month old son and she asked if she can come visit for 2 weeks so she can meet our son. I have absolutely no problem with it at all.
It’s important to note, my 27 year old sister and father have been staying with us also, they fell on hard times so we’ve been letting them stay with us until they get back on their feet. We’ve never made super special accommodations for them really, they both sleep in the living room, my father bought an air mattress for him to sleep on and my sister sleeps on the couch. None of them have ever complained and they are grateful for just having a roof over their heads. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment and my son has the second room.
This brings me to my point.
My bf has been bending over backwards for his mother. She only has a few more days left of her stay and this time has been nothing but stressful for him.
First, he asked if we could move my son into our bedroom with the pack n play so that his mother can sleep in the air mattress he bought for her in my sons room. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable in the living room with people he didn’t know sleeping there too. Sure! No problem. So we set it up all up, he bought her new bedsheets and pillows and then we cleaned the entire house from top to bottom before she came. So the first night was fine. The following day, she asked if we had a more firm pillow as hers wasn’t firm enough, my bf took the pillows from our room and let her pick whatever one she wanted. Then the next night, she asked for a night light because the light in her room was “too bright”. My bf took MY SONS nightlight that I was using while rocking my son to sleep to give to her and gave us this very tiny nightlight that hardly works because his mother didn’t want that one. Mind you, my son has been sleeping TERRIBLY since she got here because he’s falling asleep in a new room and there’s just so much change going on.
She is constantly asking him to bring her here and there, every single day, he’s been racing around bringing her to Walmart to get new firm pillows or bringing her to the store to get food for a recipe she wants or to the laundry mat to wash towels because we don’t have enough towels, ect. He’s non stop ALL day. He never gets to rest.a couple days ago I had to run to the store to grab some clothes that fit me (I’m pregnant) before my bf went to the train station to pick up his brother. He had at least 2 hours before he even had to leave. When my bf told her I was taking the car she said “well she doesn’t need to be doing that. Your brother is coming over... don’t you think that’s more important?! I told her to wear that dress I gave her!” She gave me a dress but it’s very uncomfortable, too big and I just general don’t like it and I don’t like wearing loose fitting dresses, especially while pregnant because they make me feel huge! (I told her I liked it though and thanked her multiple times)
One of the things that’s annoyed me the most is that she is always talking about how “messy” our house is. Mind you, we cleaned it spotless the day before she came and she’s been making remarks since her FIRST day. She’s said things like (to my bf) “I don’t know why you’re sweeping when there are so many females in the house” (he has a weird obsession with sweeping and does it at least 5 times a day, I just let him do his thing😂). She made a remark to my sister saying “I’d never be able to live here cuz it’s so messy”. The second day she was here she was making dinner and there was maybe 5 dishes in the sink. She was huffing and puffing about how it’s so hard to cook dinner when there’s “stuff all over and dishes in the sink” so I nicely washed the dishes and cleaned the three things off of the counter that weren’t even in the way. She made y bf go to the store and get new cleaning chemicals even though we had plenty so that “we can clean up better”. The other night I had made dinner a little late and after eating I had to go straight into my sons night routine and get him in the bath and everything. It took a good hour and a half to rock him to sleep and I was exhausted after and ended up going straight to bed and didn’t get to clean up. I accidentally left the little bit of leftover pasta I had made on the stove. The following morning shortly after I woke up my son wanted to go out in the morning and enjoy some fresh air. all of us were outside and my bf said something to me like “oh I’m gunna do that and then I’m gunna clean up in a bit...” and she immediately starts voicing her opinion like “yeah that’s a good idea... might as well throw that food away that’s on the stove...” my sister chimes in and said “oh I know we all fell asleep, I’m so upset we forgot about it” trying to make light of it. Then she’s like “well how do you just forget that?! I don’t understand! I always had the leftovers put away and always cleaned up before going to bed... it’s not that hard. You’d never walk into a mess in my house!”
It’s just ridiculous honestly. First of all, she is a GUEST! She shouldn’t be saying things like that to someone regardless if it truly is a mess or not. It wasn’t even that bad! Just some dishes in the sink, the pasta on the stove and a couple things scattered on the counter and table and my sons toys in the living room. It was maybe a 10 minute cleanup. I just feel like that is SO disrespectful. She seems so ungrateful and honestly, needy. She needed a new “more firm” pillow, a nightlight cuz her light was too bright, a VCR because she brought an old home video and sent my bf to 4 different stores to find a freaking VCR and wouldn’t stop talking about getting one for days. She ran out of clean clothes so my bf starts giving her a bunch of my clothes to wear... and here is the final straw for me. This just happened which prompted me to vent with this post.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it but I am 22 weeks pregnant and have had BAD back pain since I’ve gave birth to my son and it’s only gotten worse with pregnancy. I had been rocking my son to sleep since he woke up around 11:30 pm. I rocked him for FOUR HOURS before he finally settled and fell asleep at 3:45am. (My bf has to get up at 5am for work so I didn’t bother him to help me) needless to say, my back was KILLING me and I was excited to finally lay down in bed and get comfortable with my giant pregnancy pillow that helps ease my back pain. I look on the bed and see my pillow isn’t there. I thought ‘hmm... maybe my sister had it in the living room’ because she sometimes likes to use it for naps when I’m not using it (she’s also pregnant 26 weeks) she said she didn’t have it. So I’m looking all over the place and couldn’t find it. I woke my bf up and asked if he had moved it somewhere and you know what he said?!? He gave it to his mother to use!! Are you freaking kidding me?!? She had to have that too?? I am just so done with this whole situation.
I totally get that he wants to accommodate his guest, that perfectly fine but I really feel like it’s out of hand. He hasn’t even really had a relationship with his mother, she left him and his brother and moved out of the state when he was 9 and never once came and costed him. I feel bad because my boyfriend has been SO stressed this entire time trying to make her happy but it shouldn’t be like that. When family ones and visits it should be fun and relaxing. I don’t want to be angry at him but I feel like he is not taking my feelings into consideration because he’s too wrapped up in trying to please her. I think his mother is extremely disrespectful as well. I haven’t said anything to her or been rude to her at all, I’ve been just trying to go with the flow and wait for it to be over. Do I have the right to be upset about this or am I just overreacting?!
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