I done messed up again lads


So I met a guy on tinder, we hadn’t met but it was going really well and because I never learn, I saw something there. We eventually became idk official? Or exclusive? I think??? Idk (again I never learn from past experiences and for some reason despite everything I think “oh maybe this time it’ll work out!”) he says that he loves me and calls me “loml” and idk I’m a bit more standoffish about it but I appreciate his sentiments.

We were due to meet last Saturday and he suddenly messages me saying “are you free sunday?” And me, having been cancelled on about 9 times already (says a lot about me doesn’t it) I become perhaps become more hostile than I meant to and straight up said “why? Are you cancelling on me?” No answer. I send a couple more messages just to confirm if we were meeting up that Saturday and again no answer. Now I’m worried that something has happened, maybe he’s lost his phone or something?? Idk. I go to the train station where we were meant to meet anyway and surprise surprise nobody there. Cue me playing the victim again and my mam recommending that I go back to counselling (that’s a post for another day but just to paint the picture.)

I’m just kinda in limbo the last few days, what’s happened? Has something happened? Is he safe? Etc, he makes a couple of posts on snapchat and Instagram of his time away for the bank holiday including a pic of him and some incredibly gorgeous wrestling girl which he tagged “loml” so after some alcohol and crying and some self harm I delete our messages together in an attempt to move on.

End of story right? Wrong. He messaged me about half hour ago saying “ily.” I sent an admittedly overly cynical and bitter message back, our full convo attached.

I just, idk I’m a bad person I know that, which is why I cling to anything I can but idk, I’m hurt, I don’t know what game he’s playing at and idk why. Is it selfish for me to want the truth from him?

Tldr; I’m a horrible person who can never learn. I thought I got somewhere but now I’m in limbo. I’m just gonna cry while listening to Hozier and pretending that Julian Devorak is real