Trigger warning

So I’ve been feeling “not pregnant” for a week or so and we had our 16 week appt today. I’ve had a previous miscarriage at 16w4days so understandably I’m anxious. They said I wouldn’t be getting an ultrasound today but next time and they would Doppler to ease my mind. The nurse could get a faint read but not sufficient she agrees to the ultrasound. They take me into the room and I can tell right away the baby is gone. She wasn’t moving and her heart was still. I’m hysterical at this point bc all of my fears have been confirmed and I’m miscarrying again at 16w2 days and her little body is just so still. My wife and are are losing it and the doctors understand and give us space. I have to deliver her within the week but I really can’t handle these emotions, I’m broken and so incredibly sad. My older kids are just destroyed and I can’t look at myself and not wonder what I did to deserve this pain and disappointment.

Update: we learned after her birth baby Rhylan suffered from Gastroschisis, her organs were outside of her tiny body and after 8 hours of labor she was finally home in my arms before being sent on her way. She was tiny, fragile and precious. She had the longest arms and legs. She was perfectly made to be an angel and while I didn’t get to be her earthly mama for long, I will love her in my heart forever.