FTM anxiety

My baby is almost 7 weeks old and I’ve had terrible anxiety about the worst happening with her ever since she was conceived due to her being a rainbow baby. I FINALLY was just thinking to myself the other day how far I’ve come with her in terms of not constantly worrying about her when someone else takes her out of the room or just if she’s ok in general. I used to even be afraid to hold her certain ways when she was first born but I’ve become so comfortable with her now.

Anyway, yesterday she had TWO very scary choking fits within 6 hours of each other. First time I was alone and it was from her bottle. I acted quickly and was able to get her breathing again but was so close to running to the neighbors for help. Second time my husband was home thank god because my infant heimlich wasn’t working like it did the first time. I ran to my husband who is cpr certified due to being in law enforcement and he was able to get her breathing again. I have COMPLETELY regressed to being terrified for her constantly again. I laid her down after a feeding just 30 min ago and she started coughing from spit up. I have not been able to bring myself to lay her back down. I’d rather stay up all night with her and then sleep during the day when my husband can watch her but I know I need to get over this.

I’ll be calling her pediatrician about the choking tomorrow anyway just because since she was born she has always made gasping noises when she needs a burping but all they did was note it on her file. I wonder if she just has bad reflux and medicine will help. I hope so because now every little gasp sends me over the edge. Sorry for the rant but I just needed to put my fears into words. 😩 Maybe other moms can relate?