By 3 months it’s supposed to get better- not worse!!!

I swear she goes from being a sleeping champ- to a screaming nightmare every other week. My husband is out to sea all.the.time so I do nights by myself a lot. Of course tomorrow is the first day of school (I’m a teacher) and this time of year is downright exhausting for me. I wake up for my day at 4:45am. It’s almost midnight and I haven’t slept any because every time I lay down, she wakes up and starts screaming. again. I ate dinner at 9pm and didn’t get hardly anything I need to get done today because she cried every single time I tried putting her down. I’m pretty sure we only get about 10 content minutes out of the entire day. Breastfeeding is fucking awful. I don’t even feel bad for cursing, that’s how over it I am. My nipples hurt. Today was my only day to try and see lactation for a possible lip tie, and they were closed for the Holiday. I have no idea when we will be able to see someone about it because I’m not allowed to request days off for the first couple of months. I’m sick of being tied to a chair for 30-45 minutes every two hours. She’s constantly falling asleep nursing, barely eats anything during that time, so we are stuck nursing around the clock still. Pumping isn’t helping anymore. Fenugreek made my supply worse. I can’t eat the stupid cookies because gluten hurts my stomach. I’m sick of baby-wearing because I just want some independence, and my back is killing me after an hour or so of it. And I swear this only happens the weeks my husband is gone. He’s home and of course, she’s an angel and everything runs smoothly 🙄

Im sure in a day or two I’ll be back to thinking this is the most wonderful thing in the world. But tonight all I can think about is how tired I am and how I want to just scream right along side of her.

Sorry for ranting.