1 year without him. You guys helped me

***TRIGGER WARNING* Last year around this time I wrote about my boyfriend being arrested and him having a mental break. I wanted to update you guys.

Couple years ago I met my now ex and he was homeless. I hated myself so of course we clicked. When hanging out, he’d get mad if I was late picking him up and constantly thinking I was hanging with other guys. I didn’t like him, but didn’t want to be alone so kept hanging with him. My mom came home from a trip and found him in my bed (I was in the shower). She kicked me out, which I was fine with and got myself an apartment. During this time, we stayed at a month to month and suddenly my safety was a concern of his and he needed to protect me. He wanted a gun, I didn’t want him to have one, but I signed for one cause he would throw a fit if we didn’t. I never felt safe with that thing in his hands FYI.

Once in the apartment, I got a cat and was happy. Things started to go downhill right away. I didn’t want him to live with me but he wouldn’t leave, or watching his emotions change so quickly scared me. Months past by, and I didn’t have any friends and never saw my family. He was by me 24/7. My health started to take a toll and I ended up going to the emergency room for pneumonia. Which took a lot of convincing him to let me go and met my mom there. He didn’t want me to go as he thought I was trying to get away from him. They were going to run a blood test since my period hadn’t been around for 5 months. I was worried the blood test would take forever and lied about when I last had it so I could leave. More time past on without my parents knowing I was still with him and my parents got me a better apartment. He came along and the issues still went on. Suddenly I was being accused of cheating, him threatening his life, etc etc.

We move to another state and everything took a toll. I went to the store. He’d be glaring at everyone, I’d go to the bathroom and he’d stand outside the house by the bathroom window, I go to take a bath and he’d sit outside the bathroom door. Around this time last year he had a mental break and was arrested. I feared for my life and was so numb and sucked into the toxicity, I didn’t want to leave. But being where I am today, things have been so much calmer and better than I would’ve ever imagined. I moved back to my home state and live with my parents, but I’m ok with that as that means I’m away from him and not fearing for my life. I’m still healing but oddly some beautiful things came from that. I started painting and have a YouTube, I have 2 cats which I wanted for so long, and my self love is growing. I still have health problems (autoimmune), and I do wish at times I got the blood test done so I wouldn’t have gained all that weight, but I can’t go back in time. When I catch myself thinking could’ve should’ve, I try and replace it with something better. I can’t change my past, but I can change where I’m going. You guys helped me a lot during this time last year, and you guys truly gave me strength to leave and stay away! Thank you