So my boyfriend and I have been talking about moving out together for a little while now. We plan to move out within 6 months or so. My living situation is really bad for my health (intense mold and other things) so I’m trying to move out ASAP. We went to look at apartments and found one and had a tour and got the application papers.

Yesterday, his mom calls him and they’re on speaker phone. She informs him that she’s moving 2 hours away within 6 months to live with her boyfriend.... and that my boyfriends sister is going to have to find somewhere to live. (She’s 20.)

His sister got on the phone and told him that he would be paying 90% of the rent because she only works part-time.... 😐

Instead of even mentioning to his mom that we’re actually looking at a place together, he says “yeah I mean we could do that I’ll just have to see how much extra money I’m getting from this raise.”

So I’m sitting over here like “... is he really not going to say anything?”

Then his sister says “well I’ll just move in with my boyfriend because I’ll have nowhere else to go if we can’t live together.”

And my boyfriend doesn’t like that, and basically says “no, you’re too young to be moving in with him.” (We’re 22 and 23 and she’s 20.) 🙄

So I went outside because that really irritated me because we keep having problems with communication. When I came back in, I was still angry but I calmly asked “so why didn’t you mention to your mom that we’re actually planning to move out together?” And he looks at me like I’m trying to start an argument and says “what, my sister is just supposed to live on the side of the road?”

I say “no, but it seems like you’re not serious about moving out if you haven’t even mentioned them to your mom. Also, why didn’t you just say you “need to think about it?” I don’t think it’s fair that you made a decision without talking it about it together first.”

Then he says “actually, when you went outside, I mentioned it. So. I just wanted to see you get mad for a minute.”

So I looked at him like “wtf?” And I walked away. I had to leave after that because he was going to his friends to get his car fixed, and we acted civil and said goodbye.. however since that happened it’s been weird.

I get that family is family, but I wouldn’t do this to him. If my mom called me saying I had to take care of my sister like I’m her parent, I’d have a talk with my mother about her priorities. And if I were his sister, I would move in with my boyfriend before I moved in with my brother and his girlfriend, especially not being able to contribute anything to the rent.

I don’t think it’s fair that,

1) his mom is just leaving his sister to be with her boyfriend and pawning her child off on her son

2) we already had an apartment picked out and now my boyfriend will have to move into the one they’re in now

3) he didn’t even mention anything about us moving out

4) he agreed without consulting with me first

5) if we were all living there together, she would essentially be living scotch free and not pitching in with rent

How should I approach it again the next time we see each other? He gets super riled up with anything involving his family. What should I say?