This is a super sensitive topic so please do not continue reading if you think it may harm you.

Okay so.. my boyfriend and I have been together around 7 years. He has a high sex drive and I have a moderate one. I try my hardest to keep up with him but I have bipolar disorder and when I'm going through depressive phases it's nearly impossible to get into the mood.. he has been touching and even having sex with me while I'm asleep for years.. I once reached out on this app to get opinions and alot of people told me it's completely okay for their husbands to have sex with them while they're asleep and kind of just made me feel like I was complaining. But it's gone too far and I'm aware of this but idk what to do at this point bc I've made it almost normal for us and for him to be able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. I had a baby a little over a year ago, and he wouldn't even wait the 6 weeks, I had a 4th degree tear and ALOT of stitches all the way into my uterus.. he kept pushing that I was just faking the pain. he tried having sex with me while I was sleep and it really justed fucked me up guys.. I was exhausted from having a baby, being up every two hours breast feeding, and when I did finally fall asleep he'd wake me up by trying to have sex with me. But that brings us to today.. i found these on his search history..

I looked up the pill it mentioned

Idk what to do.. I 100% depend on him for everything. I have no family or friends. It's just us.. I love him so much he's all I've ever known since I was 14.. I don't want to leave but I'm afraid.. what if he does decide to roofie me.. what if he over doses me. I'm so afraid and so lost.