Reason 7395 I hate infertility (possible trigger)

Every year at Thanksgiving and Christmas, they would gather up all the great grandchildren to take a picture with my husband's grandma. I would always stand back and just watch all the squirming and wandering eyes as everyone is trying to get 6 young children to sit still and look at the camera. I would always think to myself, when will my child be in this picture? My heart would hurt the last couple years knowing my baby SHOULD be there in that picture, but I had a miscarriage. Last year, after struggling with infertility for over 2 years, I started to wonder if she would ever get to take a picture with our kids. She was 92 and I just didn't feel like I would be getting pregnant any time soon (here we are almost a year later and still no baby).

A couple months later she was on the hospital due to some health issues. She was in the hospital for a few days and it was such a rollercoaster of how things were going. After a few days, she passed away. In all the grieving, one of the thoughts that popped in my head was, our children will never know their great grandmother. Our children will never be able to have pictures with her.

I feel even worse because my husband was always her favorite grandchild and she kept waiting for us to have a baby. All of my husband's siblings and cousins have kids, so he is the only one who never got the chance to give her a great grandchild. I just hope she has found our baby up in heaven and is proud of them.