I am a mother and a wife. I have is had a total of 5 miscarriage. 4 before my son and 1 after him. Before I had my last miscarriage I was sure I was done at least until he was in school or out of diapers. After the loss my feelings has changed I want a other one but I won't lie I'm scared. My son was in the special care unit for the first 2 weeks of his life. Then there is the miscarriages I could loss the baby at any time. I know that there is no guarantee that it will happen to the next baby I could go full term and the baby gets to come home with me right after delivery. I'm not pregnant but I want to be my husband thinks that asking for a other Miracle is being greedy. I somewhat agree but the same time you want what you want. I'm basically writing this because I wanted to vent say how I feel out loud. I'm scared or worried I guess it's not because of the miscarriages and not because of my son being in special care Unit. it's because what if I do have the baby and I'll bring them home and I feel as lonely as I did when I had my son.my husband in another room doing whatever he was doing playing the game watching TV relaxing after work and I'm in the room with two kids by myself. I won't lie when I have my son I didn't really want his help after so many losses I just wanted my baby I just wanted to hold him and take of them.I wanted to do it all myself but every now and again it would have been nice for him to come in and give me a break without me having to ask I mean even now I have to ask him to change the baby's diaper and then it's a attitude about it and I just don't know if having another baby is the best thing right now. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it but at the same time wasn't sure I'll be able to handle my son I don't know I just kind of wanted to get it off my chest I guess. I didn't really want to talk to my friends about it and don't feel like I can talk to him about it without him getting in his feelings. If it happens yay but if not ok😐