My daughter is really insecure...how can I help her?

Question

She feels like she is ugly and it shows. She feels like having a boyfriend makes you pretty. She keeps “dating” these guys that just break her heart and then she feels worse about herself. 
She has beautiful red curly hair. I’m wondering if this has something to do with it? Her sister always teases her whenever she tries a new style or thing with her hair. She’s not into makeup at all. She’s in grade 9. Any ideas of how I can help her?

Answer

Hey I’m not trying to get personal and want you to take anything the wrong way but maybe she’s looking for love from the wrong guys because she doesn’t have a father and daughter relationship. Please don’t take this the wrong way cause if it’s true I understand where she is coming from that’s something I went through...

Answer

Have you tried asking her how she feels about herself? What she loves and doesn't love. What she would change if she could?  
If it's her hair, you may love her beautiful color and curls but a simple color change or blowout might make a world of difference for her confidence.

Answer

I was very insecure in high school and also dated guys for the wrong reasons. I would measure my self worth through my boyfriends and compare myself to others. God I wish I could travel back in time and talk some sense into my self. I look back on pictures now and can’t believe I once though I was fat or ugly. I wasted so much of my life putting myself down and holding myself back.  
I’ve grown to realize that most of this stemmed from my curvy body type that I felt uncomfortable in, my absent father, and my inability to embrace my talents and personality. 
I embraced my artistic talents and built confidence in college by getting involved in things I enjoyed and surrounding myself by great, supportive friends, something I didn’t have in highschool.
I realized my self worth when I left my long term boyfriend and worked on loving myself, rather than needing someone else to love me.  
Your daughter will learn more about herself through experience, but I do think it’s important to encourage her to be herself. Also, talk to her! Let her know you are always there for her without judgement. I’m sure there are underlying causes to her insecurities. There were for me and I was just too scared to open up about it to my mom. For example, I had sex for the first time because I felt pressured. When I told my friends they thought it was cool so I kept my real feelings inside. If I wasn’t scared of my moms reaction I would have talked to her and I wish I did. I know now that she would have listened and reassured me that my body is mine and whoever I chose to be with should deserve it. I would have made better choices.
I know this is long, but one more thing. I grew up around my mom, grandmother, cousins, and friends constantly talking about their weight, body image, and putting themselves down. I’m sure they didn’t even realize how much of an impact that had on me. It taught me to obsess over my appearance and doubt my personality. Please, pay attention to the way you and others speak about themselves and other people when they are around your daughter.
I hope she realizes how beautiful and amazing she is 💜

Answer

I think it would be good to involve her in things that make her feel confident, strong and beautiful. Whether that's a sport or an art form. Also talking to her about anything she can change or embrace better. That could be clothes or something with her hair.

Answer

Be sure to compliment her on things that have nothing to do with appearance. Tell her you love her kindness, the grace she shows others, her hard work, etc. 
Give her a list of Bible verses that tell her of her beauty and worth.

Answer

Ugh high school.  I think everything in high school makes a 9th grader feel like shit. My son is a curly red head and hes cute af. He's known for his hair lol. Maybe she can reframe how she feels about her so called flaws and embrace them? She'll find her footing eventually. Im sorry you're worried mama. I swear raising teenagers is harder than raising babies sometimes. That independence and having to watch them go through something you cant help them with leaves you feeling powerless. All you can do is support and reassure her. Good luck love.

My daughter is really insecure...how can I help her?

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