Give up

So being a mom isn’t going to happen for me after all besides trying for two month my bd decided he doesn’t want anymore, he has kids I don’t I have sickle cell and am just trying for 1 child before am 30 my doctor told after that it will be too risky I’ll b 27 in December. Besides all of that I’ve always wanted to be a mom I’ve raised 3 babies my friends kids I love kids but it’s never my time. Am at the point am ready to beg a ex bf to donor sperm to help me. I don’t care about the morning sickness and all the pain and struggles of pregnancy I will do it I’ll do labor and delivery just to see my baby I need my baby. I don’t need a baby father I can literally do it on my own am very stable I just wan my baby but it does seems like I’ll ever get to meet atreaú or aaralyn😭💔I’ve bin crying all morning my antidepressant doesn’t seem to be working am so depressed. I don’t want to give up but damn I have nobody to help make my dream come tru and not from the US so we don’t have sperm banks here.😔