I have a good man but sometimes he can be hurtful and emotionally unavailable. I try to talk to him about it but it usually turns into an argument and competition. Like who’s more tired, who does this and that, who pays this blah blah same shit different day. Backstory on our relationship. I’ve been with this man for over 15 years he is a good man but he can be vicious during an argument. We have 2 kids our youngest is a little over a year and our oldest is 5. I work full time and he stays at home/works from home (he’s an artist). The last 2 years his home business has taken a back seat. Well we are now struggling for money. I’m the main breadwinner/bill payer, he takes care of the kids while I’m at work, but still a majority of the household duties are my responsibility (he will do the dishes and make dinner). I’m starting to get overwhelmed and I can tell he’s depressed from being at home all day with the kids, which is understandable. I would have loved to stay home with the kids but he was working at home in the beginning so it made sense he was the stay at home parent. I told him if he wanted me to stay home I could so he devote his time to his business and traveling, he thought he could do it all but no we have no babysitters and I can’t take time off just cause of his trips so that kind of killed his business. Also he would stay up late to work and wake up super grumpy and take it out on all of us (I was the one to handle night wakings and still get up early for work). Anyways I feel like I’m worn thin, and so does he but he’s always worse off he says. With my first he made me feel bad during maternity leave that he had to pay all the bills, so I call my boss the next day and return to work within a week (8weeks Mat leave) then he tells me I didn’t need to go back to work blah blah, well it’s kinda too late. Anyways I’ve been paying 90% of everything the last year, but I don’t make him feel bad for it. Well he just started working again till late. He wakes up super grumpy and acts like a child. So this morning the baby wakes up early and my husband starts bitching and moaning so I come in and pick up the baby. He tells me “he’s fine, I got him!” And I’m like that’s ok I’ll hold him, and he’s in bed bitching about how he should of never tried to start working again blah blah and I’m hold my tongue cause I’m not about to start arguing. Well he doesn’t stop and I ask him to please be quiet. He starts freaking out on me about how he’s tired and I’m like I know you’ve already said it multiple times, I’m tired too ok? So he comes at me and starts calling me a moron and yelling in my face while I’m holding the baby. I just tell him to go away because anytime I would say anything he would tell me to shut up and then proceed to keep yelling at me. I kept quiet I didn’t cry. I got myself ready and our 5 year old to go to school. I just don’t even know how to talk to him anymore. We used to be best friends and now we’re enemies. We’ve been through phases like this before but I’m older now and I’m starting to not give a shit anymore. I just don’t know what to do, he’s always right I’m always wrong, I don’t do things he right way and he does them better ect I don’t feel like he appreciates me at all. When I tell him that he throws it back on my face and says he doesn’t feel appreciated either. I try to make everyone happy pay all the bills spend time with my kids and keep the house up, I’ve pretty much lost myself and I’m a shell of what I used to be. Last night our daughter hit her baby brother and he freaked out got in her face and called her a ducking retard and boy that killed me inside, I didn’t know what to say. He’s not who he used to be and I feel like maybe this is how it ends? I can’t imagine living without him but I seriously don’t know what to do. I don’t want to waste my life with someone who treats a Rose like a stick. I try to be there for him but when I ask him what’s wrong he won’t tell me and then tells me to just leave him the guck alone and quit asking what’s wrong so I finally got the hint and just don’t even ask anymore. He never texts me how my day is going anytime I try to start conversation he talks down to me like I’m dumb. I can’t do this and I don’t think he will ever open his eyes which breaks my heart. Anyways if u made it this far thank you for reading this, I’m not really asking for advice. I’m just venting and wonder how other women and their husbands handle staying at home while their wife works. I always felt like he has it made he gets to be able to spend time with our kids, while I miss out and only have a certain amount of time, he has his own “business” doesn’t have to answer to a boss or have deadlines. But either way he always has it tougher than me, I get no appreciation or thanks, when I thank him for things I do without thanks. Feeling like I want to give up but I can’t.