Should I tell her?

Question

I am a mother of two and 9 weeks pregnant with out third! Had our first ultrasound and everything looks great. Going to be telling friends and family likely this weekend....but I am very nervous for one person in particular. My best friend recently shared, after keeping it a secret from almost everyone, that she has had two miscarriages this year. My heart is breaking for her and her husband. The last thing I want to do is hurt her by sharing our good news. I also dont want to not tell her and have her find out on social media or from a mutual friend or something like that. What should I do?

Answer

I can say from personal experience, I would make sure to tell her privately before the news is out to everyone else. Let her know that you have her feelings in mind and wanted her to be one of the first to know. 
I was that friend. I’ve had 4 losses in the last year and it absolutely broke me. & I had two best friends get pregnant and both made sure to talk to me privately first. It still hurt, but I was over it in a couple of days and appreciated the way they told me.
Congratulations, by the way!

Answer

I’d share with her somewhat privately Incase it’s a little emotional for her. Better to hear from you than not I would think.

Answer

I was in a similar situation with my sister. I told her in private first. I didn't do a grand announcement, I just calmly told her the news and I made sure she knew we understood if she wasn't ready to hear all of the announcements and updates. She was happy for us, but we still cried together.  My baby was due a month after hers would have been born. When my LO came she and her husband emotionally couldn't handle holding her until she was almost a month old. We never pushed them to do anything they weren't comfortable with, when they finally felt ready we made sure they had time on their own with her. They got to hold her and cry in private. I think it helped them grieve a little bit in a good way.

Answer

Tell her in private. I have a friend struggling with fertility. I felt I would be a horrible friend if I didn’t share my joy with her but I wanted to avoid hurting her at all costs! So I did it privately. Her response, she couldn’t be happier for me and is looking forward to being an Auntie to my baby! She’s asks me on a weekly basis how I am and how the baby is doing! ❤️

Answer

I’d wait til 12 weeks to announce to everyone. Especially if her miscarriages were early losses (between 6-12wks). It can feel like a slap in the face for sure when someone overlaps your pain with bundles of joy, so it’s thoughtful of you to care about being sensitive. At the same time, she may still be very happy for you. It’s often said in the MC community “I’m happy for you, but sad for me”. It likely won’t be easy, but you can’t keep it under wraps for too long.

Answer

Just tell her one on one and gently. It’s really important that you don’t keep it from her.

Should I tell her?

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