Basically me and hubby haven’t had time or energy to have sex for the past month.

Sooooo much has happened as well thats broken down my self confidence into whats left (which is almost nothing). Last night he tried to have sex finally! And I couldn’t do it. I was scared of the pain and I was embarrassed at my body and how I look so it made me feel even more awful. Whats worse is although he was trying to turn me on his foreplay was so weak and laid back like there was zero passion, made me feel worse and I ended up crying and saying I can’t do it... he asked why and all I could say was I’m scared. He cuddled me and tried to calm me down but was so exhausted from being up for 17 hours that he fell asleep. I cried into my pillow all night, and then just fed baby and put him back to sleep. It’s 8am, I went down to have breakfast with him and couldn’t even look him in the eyes, he didn’t even talk about it and I don’t think he will until I do. But I’m just so tired of always being the expressive one. I’m so exhausted of my pain. I’m so scared this will affect our relationship which has been perfect so far. Hes my best friend and we can literally talk about anything. But i feel like ill drain his soul if I keep going on about how I am feeling horrible over and over again. We have a family photoshoot tomorrow just the three of us, and I don’t think I can do this I look horrendous.

I know I need to work on myself. I seen a video of myself talking to our baby the other day and I could barely recognise myself. Idk what to do anymore.... how do I make myself better, I’m 26 and Ive been in pain for over year now everyday since I had a miscarriage and then got pregnant. Baby is now 3 months old and I look the worst. I haven’t been THIS fat and THIS ugly all my life.