I need some outside advice on a relationship I’m in or was in..

So, I met this guy online about exactly a year ago. He was super great and so kind. We hit it off right away and just felt this connection. We moved really fast because of this and he moved in with my son and I after 3months.. He got laid of his job about a month after he moved in and didn’t find another job for about 3months. During this time he did all the cooking and cleaning and took care of my son but wasn’t really actively looking for work until i finally pushed him to find a job. I started to resent him a little bit after this because it was so early on in the relationship for this to happen and I was scared of being used again.

My son’s dad was very abusive and used me for everything I had so I kinda just freaked a little. I will admit, I was not the nicest person to be around during this time. I was also still dealing with a lot of my past emotional abuse and tying to find my worth again. My boyfriend also had come from a toxic relationship and was working through his own issues and demons. We agreed early on we would try to help each other “heal” and be there for each other but it always felt like we both had so much going on that we couldn’t make the time for each other and be there emotionally.

Things started to go down hill after all this and we started fighting a lot and just always miss understanding each other. He told me a couple months ago that we just couldn’t be there for each other like we needed to be and that we should take a “break” from our relationship and just focus on ourselves and learning how to love ourselves again so we can love each other. I was all for this and agreed even though it was hard since we still lived together. Well let’s just say we have taken several breaks from our relationship and we just kept falling back where we were and no progress was really being made.

Then just a couple weeks ago he told me we just weren’t right for each other and we’re just being toxic to each other. He said he felt stuck and anchored. I told him he could leave at any point if he wasn’t happy but he keeps saying he doesn’t want to abandon my son and I and that we just need space again and to re-establish what are relationship is. He said he still loves me but we have different energies and just don’t know each other as well as we would like to think we do.

Anyways, I’m just at a weird place. I don’t know what to do.. I love him a lot but I feel so unloved right now. I’m trying to just focus on myself and my son but he doesn’t want to move out and so we are sharing the same bed still but he won’t touch me or kiss me and i know we are on a “break” but it’s just so hard to do when we are constantly around each other..I just don’t know if he really has hope for us and that’s why he is sticking around or if he it is just convenient for him to stay because it’s cheap rent. I’ve never been in a situation like this before.. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Sorry this is so damn long!