I’m going to be pretty vulnerable in this post, which is something I haven’t ever done on this app. I just don’t really know where else I can share with people who may be going through some of the same feelings and experiences I am.

My husband left to go overseas a month after our wedding in May. When he left, I was 16 weeks pregnant and he got to feel her kick for the first time! Since then, I’ve been struggling with being pregnant and alone. I never realized how much I relied on him. This is over the 10th deployment we’ve gone through together, so the distance is nothing new. My emotions, on the other hand, are definitely new! I struggle with feeling angry that he hasn’t been here to help with moving into our new home or go to doctors appointments with me. He hasn’t been here to document this new journey we are about to embark on. He hasn’t been able to feel our baby girl move and grow stronger. He hasn’t been here to reassure me that, despite my new body, he still finds me beautiful.

However, the moment I allow myself to have those feelings, I am overcome with guilt. He’s sacrificing so much to support our family. I never imagined the struggle this would be or the toll it would take on me. I have always been a very confident person, but with my changing body, I can’t help but be nervous that when he comes home in October, he won’t be attracted to me anymore. I wish that he was here to give me that physical comfort and love that I need right now to reassure me.

He is the most amazing man and I’m so thankful to be his wife. He is not a very emotional person and doesn’t really react well when faced with an emotional human (🙋‍♀️pregnant wife) but when I have shared my feelings of insecurity and fears, he has responded with nothing but love. My love language is quality time and physical touch- the two that are impossible to fulfill in a long distance relationship. Because of that, I’ve needed to shift more towards words of affirmation- something he HATES giving. But again, he’s heard my heart and does his best to try to give me the reassurance that I need.

We are coming up on one month until he comes home and I can’t wait. I miss him so much and wish I could have the experiences so many on here have shared with their spouses or significant others. By the time he comes home, we will only have about 5 weeks before our daughter comes. I am 29 weeks exactly today and sent him this picture last night. I snapped it just to give him an update, but when I looked at it, I truly felt beautiful and so thankful that he made me a mom and has given me this beautiful and amazing gift. Emotions are hard. Pregnancy is hard. Being alone is hard. My person is almost home and I’m just so thankful for that. I need him more than I ever realized and this has taught me to never take the time I have with him for granted. ♥️