For all intents and purposes I would say I’m lesbian, I’m 17 soon and in high school. I prefer relationships with women and I significantly more attracted to them, but who knows who you fall in love with or want to be intimate with in the future, but for now I just say I’m lesbian to avoid confusion. I haven’t really ever liked the term bisexual or queer to describe myself. Anyways I am literally going to college in a year and I’m still in the closet to basically everyone that I know. My family and “friends” (i don’t have a lot of friends I talk to anymore) but my best friend knows everything (he is a gay male). He understands what it’s like to be closeted to his friends which helps but he is definitely out to so many people and his family for a few years now. It scares me to death to come out to my parents and friends because I’m worried they will see me differently because I’m already a failure to them (unrelated) and they will just think I’m being dumb or lying or whatever. My real issue stands with my extended family and friends who are very religious. They are practicing LDS and they are very judgmental, conservative, ignorant, homophobic transphobic racist.. etc. my uncle and grandfather don’t talk to me for no reason btw but the rest of my family members are super loving and nice to me, but when it comes to that kind of stuff when not applied to me they are not nice. Coming from a family tree on both sides (mom and dad) a literal lineage of all LDS people and then me being the outcast and essential fuck up of the family really hits me hard these days. I feel like I have somehow failed my family, and if I were to ever come out to them they wouldn’t love me anymore or take me seriously. That I would lose a part of myself because I would loose my aunt uncles and cousins on both sides of my family. Not to mention my dad (who is the worst person in my life) and who knows maybe my mom and friends too. I keep running it though my head that this is my life now and feeling this weight on me every day now for a year, and more recently feeling the weight of homophobia in my family is really effecting me in ways that I don’t want to begin to describe. I’m so happy to be in this amazing community and I would wish nothing more than to be more into this community so that I can feel more love in my life again. I don’t know what to do anymore or what to think but as I type this all out I think about all of the historical figures I look up to who faced fear of discrimination in their life and it gives me some hope for my future. I would appreciate anyone who has been affected by the LDS church to reach out to me and give me some help I need. Any kind words or stories or legit anything. 💗💗💗

-a lesbian that can’t drive