6 months ago I had my baby girl & she has become my whole world. I will do anything to protect her... About 2 and a half years ago I began this relationship. It was all fun at first and we weren’t taking it that serious. But slowly I began to fall for him. And he does as well (so he told me). It was all great and I was happy but little by little I began to notice that he was very jealous and would call me every single minute of the day. (He wasn’t working) I would be at school and there he went blowing up my phone getting mad at me for not picking up. He would accuse me of cheating on him while I was in school. Aside from having family problems he just made things worse. I thought maybe if I proved to him that i was really faithful he would back down. I was wrong. It got worse and worse. There I was trying to finish my career. My last semester needed to get my diploma and I almost lost it all. I lost myself. I began to feel really depressed and isolated myself from everybody because I didn’t want any problems with my so called partner. Everyone noticed it but I had hope that things would change. They didn’t. It went beyond the obsession of knowing where I’m at, at every moment. He hit me in the face one day when he was drunk because he thought I was being flirty with his best friend. He apologized and told me that he had never done that. I should have known right there and then but I guess I was just naive. Later on the relationship it got to the point where I just didn’t want to be with him no more. He was taking advantage of me. He didn’t work at all. Never helped around the house or nothing. Meanwhile I was working a part time job and going to school full time. Imagine trying to make ends meet when making $820 a month and paying $700 in rent and still having to figure out how to pay for food, bills, gas, and etc. (Oh and don’t even get me started on his leechy friends that would literally come to my place so many time and want me to get them shit like wtf?) I was stressed tf out. Anyways at one point he started a full time job and I never asked him for anything. Even then he never made an effort to help me or anything. Instead he would never have any money on him. What he would spend his money on? I will never know. ( I should probably point out the fact that I’m 23 now and he’s 31).

Anyways, I graduated and somehow even on my graduation day he makes to make me feel like shit. Oh and I was unable to spend it with my family because he kept calling and calling and yelled at me accused me of being with someone else. Oh yea and my mom heard.

He put his hands on me a couple times more and so many more things happened between time eventually i had it. So one day I finally had gotten the courage to leave him. Only to find out I was pregnant. So here my dummy self was like okay maybe things can change and maybe I can work things out by talking to him and blah blah blah. Nope I was foolish to think that.

I began working two jobs while pregnant because I knew I was gonna need the money. Again he was working different job but still full time and never did he help me. Things were still not great but I kept trying. This mf put me thru hell. He choked me one day. I couldn’t breathe and all I could think this was it. I remember not being able to push him off. He was too strong for me. I’m not going to lie but I was really scared. All I saw was this death look in his eyes that to be honest is never goin to leave my memory. I kicked him off eventually and he had the nerve to get mad at me. Telling me I was being dramatic. I should have called the police right there and then. But I didn’t. I guess part of me didn’t want to feel weak. Like I couldn’t handle this by myself. That and I didn’t want to be one of the women that I had studied. (Probably should also note I’m a double major in criminal law and sociology) My situation went against everything I dedicated 4 years of my life to. (But I did however take picture in case.) Oh but it didn’t stop at the choking. He pushed me to the ground, on the stairs, against the wall. He hit me. Left bruises on me and scratches. I almost lost my little girl. All because her stupid mother was too fucking scared.

He always apologized but it got to the point where his apologies meant nothing to me.

Finally one day, I almost lost my apartment because I didn’t have enough to cover the rent. I know this doesn’t even sound like a good thing but now that I look at it. It kinda was. I asked him if he could help me with $500 seeing that I owed over $1000 and I was going to cover the rest when I got paid. Whatever he agreed. I had talked the landlord into giving me a few days to get the money together. Well he gave me the money late Saturday and i was suppose to take the money Monday. When Monday came. This mf took back the fucking money! I was screwed! He left that day and didn’t come back until 2 days after. He came back with no money. You could imagine how mad I was. Not because he had spent the money but because the one day I asked him for help and trusted him he only cared about himself. There I was pregnant about to be thrown off to the street and I had isolated myself from everyone that I had no place to go. I packed all of my shit. Crying so much because he did me so wrong. So when he had came back him had quite a lot packed.

Anyways the reason I say that this was a good thing was because my mom had found out what happened and she saved me. I kicked his ass out and he had the nerve to get mad me lol. My mom came helped me finish packing and took me with her. I didn’t tell him for what. Even when I was away from him he called me and called me and just apologized but it was too late. He was mad at me still for kicking him out. He’s been homeless ever since and jobless. He’s been using other women to get what he needs. Oh yea he cheated on me multiple times while I was pregnant. Which later I found out by one woman calling me and tellin me everything. Showing me videos texts pictures recordings. He talked a lot of shit about me and always said we weren’t together. Oh and worst of all he still would have sex with me. If I would have known all that I would have never had sex with him. So he put my baby’s life at risk once more. I loved him and tried to work it out (he begged me and all I could think about was my baby) and wanted him to be a part of my baby’s life and I didn’t want to deny him that or her that. But even after all that he put me thru much more hell. To the point where I was in and out of the hospital. (There is just so much that i can’t even get into because it’s a lot.) I ended up having a high risk pregnancy that requires me to get checked at least 3x a week at the hospital. Aside from times I would have to go because of pains bleeding etc. So I slowly started to pull myself away from him with my family’s help. I worked 2 jobs cleaning a whole school and a chemical plant. (I know not the best choice but hey I had to do what I had to do)

Eventually I had her and I didn’t want him in the delivery room with me. I had so many complications because of just everything I went thru with him and there were so many risks with both of our health so I had to have her sooner than expected. I thought everything would go great but it didn’t. I had to have an emergency c-section. I almost lost my little girl during delivery. Not just her but myself as well. It was the scariest shit ever.

When I finally was in my room I called him. He came only to later get kicked out of the hospital. We literally had security and police in my room because of him. 😒 not only was that embarrassing but that was a lot for me especially after almost dying in surgery like wtf!

***I have never told anyone all this. They only know a few things like the rent and him yelling and never helping but nothing else I’m ashamed if I’m being honest***

Anyways I tried having him in her life but I realized that it’s not the best idea. All he has done is hurt me and her. He’s never done anything for her even after being born. I’m not asking him for money or anything I don’t care about that but he just continues to hurt us and I don’t want that for her. Am I wrong for keeping her away from him? Am I doing the right thing?

He’s been calling me and he told me to just watch cus things are going to get ugly.