Husband left while pregnant

I’m 5 months pregnant and my husband left me to be with another woman. He refuses to attend my baby shower and help me pay for it. Says I wanted a child not him. I found out he has another son who is 3 and we’ve been together 9 years. I know it sounds wrong but I feel like I’m not loving my son enough because I hate his father

I’m so heartbroken, lonely, depressed, and stressed. I lost all my friends and family because of him and I feel like I can’t do this. I know my son needs me. I prayed for him for 2 years after losing my first son at 24 weeks— he keeps forcing me to give him his green card after everything and it sucks