SITUATIONSHIP

okay so I've liked this guy, let's call him Alex since October first but didn't do anything about cause he had a girl at that time. But at around February he started noticing me I guess, he broke up with his girl in December btw. We started talking and I guess we liked each other so much that we couldn't have a proper convo, it was usually forced and our texts were a bit dry but in person we were a bit better.

In March we started opening up to each other, so one time when we was in a car he asked me to be his girl and I said yes but during that week while we were together we rarely talked so my friend was like I've had enough of your wining cause I talked about him a lot and she took my phone then started talking to him as me and was like I want you and want us to actually try this relationship stuff out so after that we were good

The thing I though I've always had a negative view on relationships since things between mom, my dad, my dads wife and my mom's ex-boyfriend have been terrible so I'm scared of relationships

I never used to pick up his calls and never met up with him, we ended up breaking up in may because we weren't meeting so we stopped talking to each other for like 2 weeks

After that we started talking again and we surprisingly became closer as compared to when we were together we talked about everything he is honestly as much as I hate to admit it my best friend. This was between end of July and September

So now Sept I finally met up with him, my anxiety btw has gotten much better so when I met him we literally had the best time. I didn't kiss him though cause I was too scared to. So last week we decided to give this dating thing a try and not even 5 days after we broke up so like we broke it off today. During the time we were together we rarely talked and when we did it was so fucking weird and forced. So now that we broke it off our convos are much smoother and idk, I really really want a relationship with him but he's saying he's been really busy so that's why we can't really talk

I've been thinking about sex a lot and I'm downright ready to lose my virginity but I don't wanna lose it to someone I'm not dating and in love with. my heart hurts bro. I want him so bad but a relationship shouldn't be this weird and this much work. I'm older than him btw, his 15 I'm 17

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO, SHOULD I GIVE UP? CAUSE IM HONESTLY TIRED