Contact

This may be a bit of a long one but I would really appreciate anyone who has been through the same or advice in general.

I’m in UK.

Starting from the beginning... Fell pregnant after trying for 2 months. We were happy but at 17 weeks he told me he didn’t love me anymore and so we split.

He never helped with anything that was to be bought for the baby throughout my pregnancy and once decided that going drinking was more important than a repeat scan.

Fast forward I went into labour and my amazing best friend took me to hospital. We phoned him and he turned up stinking of alcohol.

Baby was born and we had to stay in hospital for a few days.

Anyway I was being quite reasonable in my opinion and let him come to visit as often as he wanted and stay over.

It got to the stage where he would lie about being on his way to see baby and wouldn’t turn up.

He told me he needed help and I was the only one that could help so I took him back to try and do that.

Anyway between baby being 2 days old and 12 months he did this with us 6/7 times and now I have stopped all contact.

I don’t want my baby to be one of those kids sitting at the window wondering why she isn’t good enough plus I was unsure if he would be under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Contact between me and him only takes place through lawyers.

We attended a first mediation meeting where I was open and honest and said I’d rather not have to go back but was still open to the idea.

Now I am constantly being threatened with court and made out on social media like I am using my child as a weapon.

It really gets me down as all I’m trying to do is protect my baby.

I was thinking of referring to have supported contact in a contact centre, certainly for the first while to build up trust again.

However I’ve recently discovered that he’s been on 2 holidays to do nothing but party.

I’m not saying he’s not entitled to let his hair down once in a while but, with this happening pretty regularly I feel like his child isn’t enough for him to stay abstinent and I don’t want my child around that.

I guess what I’m asking is has anyone else been through this? What was the outcome? Did you get random drug and drink testing? Did you have to go to court?

Thanks people,

From a very confused and upset mummy