Second thoughts about breastfeeding

With my first baby he had a tongue tie, they didn't catch it until the second day even though I kept telling the nurses that something was wrong. Well when they came in with the pediatrician to weigh him and check him is when they noticed. And it was complete nightmare for a FTM.

There was the pediatrician, lactation consultant, and two nurses in the room all freaking out because he was losing more weight than suppose to. So I'm obviously crying at this point because I mean come on, hormones for one, and I was just told my baby was barely even eating because of the tongue tie. Even though I kept telling them several times something is off because every which way we latched it hurt like hell when he fed and he constantly had the clicking sound. The lactation consultant was being overly pushy and made me feel like shit. She just would not stop and kept pushing it on me. I then had to watch my newborn baby get his tongue tie corrected. Which who wants to watch that and hear them scream and cry?!

After everything was said and done, and they all finally started to leave my room, my day nurse who I couldn't stand in the first damn place then thought I was upset because of my husband?!!! The only one in the room comforting me!! She literally sent in their counselor lady to talk to me about PPD and suicide. I couldn't even believe it. It still makes my blood boil to this day.

Anyways my nipples were still pretty sore, and while my son was healing from the correction they had me pump and bottle feed. Well I just continued to pump and bottle feed. I was over trying to breastfeed at that point.

When we got home in a more calm environment I tried again but it still just didn't work for us. So I pumped. And then after a couple months I got mastitis which dried me up.

At first during this whole pregnancy I thought I wanted to atleast try. I mean yes, breastmilk is better. But now that my due date is coming up I'm having second thoughts and just want to formula feed. I don't want to go through all that mess again. I just want to save my sanity. I just don't know what to do. I'm leaning against formula feeding more but then I also feel like I'm letting my baby down. I also feel like people will judge me because I chose to not even try.