Im scared

My boyfriend was a twin and he was the only baby that lived.

My mom lost my little sister when she was born too.

My grandmother lost two out of seven.

I have had a miscarriage.

I am pregnant and i am so scared to get excited or happy in any way just to lose my baby. Im scared to buy all this baby shit and go to all these doctor appointments just to not have a baby to take home in the end. I know that it would be a possibility either way but I'm scared with the amount of people in my family that has lost babies that it will make my chances higher or something.

I just feel scared and broken. My boyfriend is getting so excited and i want to be but i want to be realistic about the possibilities too.