Low self eestem

I’ve made a lot of mistakes sexually. I lost my virginity at 14 to a guy who told me if i did it we’d date ofc it didn’t happen. I spent years trying to get him to choose me and date me by having sex with him and i was getting treated like shit. That nasty cycle of trying to get guys to choose me even when they had girlfriends continued until I was a senior in high school. I really did SO MUCH DAMAGE to myself. My self eestem is shot beyond belief, I’m embarrassed and hate opening up about my sexual past, i feel guilty. I’m really hard on myself and actually am afraid of romantic things bc they hurt so much. I didn’t know what i was doing then, i just knew i wanted someone to choose me and I’d do anything. I’m 20 now and I can’t date without feeling ugly/stupid, crying bc of uncertainty, crying bc i feel like I’m just a girl on the side even when it’s not the case. I’m just there and don’t hold any weight. Or I’m just there for entertainment and sex. These past few days I’ve been hating myself a lil extra. I’m in therapy now. My friends don’t get it at all. I know how low I’ve stooped to get someone to even CONSIDER picking me and i just really fucked up.. Just venting :(