This has all been a long time coming, and honestly I don't know where to even begin. This is going to be a long story.

So, my husband and I have been together for more than 5 years and have 2 little boys ( 1.5 and 3.5). I can't say it's always been good. There were red flags in the beginning that I ignored, but I noticed when we moved in a house together almost 2 years ago things started getting progressively worse. He was becoming more and more verbally abusive. He'd call me names and degrade me as much as possible. I can't even begin to explain the misogyny. If I dared step out of my place or didn't do this or that he'd threaten me and break stuff in our home and punch holes in the walls. I endured for 2 years walking on eggshells watching what I said around him to try and not trigger an episode, but everything hit a breaking point on October 2nd.

He decided he wanted to grow weed. I said whatever as long as it doesn't effect the kids. Well he decided to turn the boys room into a grow room. I was rightfully upset, but I didn't yell, I didn't scream, I just moved my sons things into the garage. So he walks up to me and says, "You need to lose this attitude". I look him in the eyes and I say (knowing this was going to trigger his anger but at this point I was done anyway) "Why don't you respect me? What have I ever done for you not to respect me" I watched the anger build in his eyes and all he says is "Get the fuck out of my house" which mind you we both are on the lease and his church has been paying our rent. He has no right what so ever to kick me out of OUR house. So I refuse to leave. So he grabs me to physically drag me out of the house. In our scuffle, my glasses fall off my face, he snaches them and throws them out the door. I guess it's kinda funny, but I'm exactly like Velma from Scooby Doo.

I literally can not see to find my glasses. It of course doesn't help that it's dark outside and my glasses are black. But anyway, I run back inside to grab my shoes so I can leave and he tries to take my keys out of my hand and we scuffle to the door and fall out with him on top of me. He notices that my phone fell out of my pocket so he grabs it and smashes it next to my head, gets up drags me off the porch (about 3 feet or so) runs inside and locks the door. I go to the window and tell him he can either open the door and talk to me like a human being but if I leave I'm bringing back the police. He just laughed and said "Your tire's flat you're not going anywhere". I guess he forgot we had some fix a flat. I filled my tire up and took off down the road to a friend's house, BLIND. I get to her place call the cops and go back. So I meet the cops at my house and they knock on the door. My husband then REFUSED to open the door for the cops. Then I give them my key, they force their way in and immediately cuff him. Fast forward to October 11h and I'm called into court to testify. The DDA representing me wants a no contact order in place for my safety and wants me to tell the court I'm scared of him. So I basically say I know he's got anger issues and I don't know how he's going to act once he's released. I just don't want him coming near me or the kids starting things. So the court grants the no contact order and as the DDA turns to his attorney to hand him a paper, my husband looks at me and signs "I love you" to me

The DDA jumps down his throat. They're just about to put a no contact order in place and he pulls this stunt. So here it is the 16th and I'm still stunned. I can't believe he decided to take everything this far. Everything just seems like a bad movie and I don't know what to do from here. I'm probably going to have to move out of the house because I financially can't keep up with it. But that's easier said than done because I have 20+ chickens and my area is under poultry quarantine which means if I move my birds off my property I could face a $25,000 fine. So if move I have to butcher all my birds and I'm not in the right state of mind for that.