The baby fever has been fierce the past year, stronger in the past 6 months, and ESPECIALLY strong the last month. We are at 34 and 35, so we want to do this sooner than later but because of our current living arrangement (long story) TTC is not really something that we should be prioritizing right now. It’s killing me! I came off of birth control at the beginning of October and have yet to have my first period. I did track my ovulation with OPKs but am not temping since we aren’t actually TTC, we just wanted to keep an eye on my cycles so we can learn how to read them going forward since I’ve been on birth control for so long. We had a broken condom the day of ovulation and used withdrawal 2 days before, so there’s not a huge chance I’m pregnant but there’s a small chance. I am 7DPO and expecting my period in 7 days, but for the past couple of days I’ve felt weird twinges in my pelvis, almost like a pulling sensation, lots of loose watery CM (which is not common for me between ovulation and period, it’s usually dry/tacky), my cervix is still soft and open instead of retracting after ovulation, and I just feel “not right“. I’m not going to screw myself by testing early but to say I’d be happy to see a BFP would be an understatement.

We grew our own small pumpkins in the backyard this year, I brought them out to the front steps yesterday as Halloween decorations. I said “We have the cutest little pumpkins in the neighborhood!” to which he replied by putting his hand on my tummy and saying “all of our pumpkins are cute pumpkins”. I died. The night before that he said he had a dream he was holding a tiny baby girl in a hooded panda onesie while I was taking a nap on the couch. I was cranky this morning for no reason so he poked my tummy and said “stop making mommy cranky”. We are both a little baby brained to say the least 🤪

Every mild wave of nausea, every twinge in my stomach, every sharp little pain in my lower back I hope is more than just in my mind. Just in case, I went ahead and ordered this little thingy.

He said he had a dream he was holding our baby daughter while she was wearing a hooded panda onesie, so If I happen to get pregnant I want to wrap the test in it and tell him that way. I think no matter when we conceive, that’s probably how I’ll tell him. We are now calling my tummy “little panda” so I think that’ll be what we call any baby we have.

I know it’s insane. I know. But they say the best way to get what you want is to visualize it and then work towards it. This is my way of visualizing it. Wishing baby dust to those who are actively trying, and sending a virtual hug to anybody in the same position of not being able to TTC right away. Our time will come when it’s supposed to, we just have to visualize and set forth our intention to the universe!