Well...he says he does...but he never prioritizes being intimate. We have 2 kids so I understand that it is more difficult, but I feel like he makes time for all of the things that he really wants to do...but I always come last. I am always the very last thing on his list and, by the time we go to bed, he has no energy to even stay awake...let alone have sex. We had some drama at the end of my last pregnancy where he admitted to having feelings for a female coworker and I found a stash of a bunch of racy pictures a week or two later...all just before I was due so hormones were a factor in my reaction. I was crushed. I was still reeling from finding out about him considering cheating (even though it did not actually happen) and then I find a bunch of pictures of women that are obviously what he enjoys looking at...and they do not look like me. I should add that I was super interested in sex that pregnancy and, while I understand that pregnant body is not attractive to everyone, it really hurt to know he was turning me down and jerking off to these pictures behind my back. In discussions since, he has said that he still finds me attractive and thinks I look great, especially for just having a baby a few months ago...but I feel like he is just bored with me. He says I am wrong, but he never acts excited to see me naked or in lingerie and every time we have a sitter, he always wants to go out to eat or play a boardgame. I am struggling with feeling like 'just a mom' and could REALLY use the confidence boost and validation of feeling wanted and desirable. Instead, I feel like we are just friends with kids. When I tried to voice that, he told me that every couple our age with kids is basically the same way and I am asking for too much and making impossible demands. I have tried broaching the conversation in every way I can think of and it just feels like it is getting worse as it turns into arguing which makes us both feel bad and more distant. He says he has a very high sex drive, but sex is not important to him...that does not even make sense to me. I am so confused. I love him so much, but I am only in my 30s and the thought of spending the rest of my life in a sexless marriage leaves me depressed...but I do not feel like my lack of sex life is a good enough reason to break my kids' family. 🙁

I should probably add that I have always been the one who wanted sex more often. He is the only person I have been with sexually so it is hard not to take it personally when all of my sexual validation is anchored in him. He says that all of the fighting has just made him feel averse to sex right now and that it is just not as important to him as it is to me. I really need that connection and the feeling of still being attractive and desirable right now and I feel like if I have to beg for it, then now it is just pity sex even if he does 'want' it. I am posting on this group because I feel like most women will just say he is probably cheating when I am 99%sure he is not or tell he how horrible he is when he really is a good guy and a good husband except in this one way that I REALLY need right now. I have tried asking him what scents he likes, what kind of lingerie might interest him, what new things he might like to try in bed, etc...but I just feel like I am working overtime with no real response. When we do have sex, it always has to be at night in our bed with the lights out, which makes me feel like he does not want to look at me...but it was that way even years ago before I had kids. He has not gone down on me in probably about 6 years, which makes me feel like ai must be gross or something, but he swears that is not it...he says giving oral is just not his thing...that he finds it unappealing because it is boring. He basically always just wants me to get on top of him...which is all mostly the opposite of my preference, but I have gone along with it because I feel like I will get no sex at all otherwise. I would never cheat, but sometimes I feel like I understand why some people do. For the record, I am about 5'7" and 135 pounds. I feel like I look pretty good. Even strangers tell me how amazing I look for just having had a baby...but that just makes me feel even worse that the one person who I really want to be interested in me sexually seems to not be. I cannot understand why. I feel like a failure as a wife and woman and it hurts so badly. I am just lost.😥