Seven years WAISTED..

**long post warning**

I’m completely falling apart right now. My fiancé is at work right now so I have a few hours by myself and I’m freaking out. I just found out my fiancé has a whole second life. We were doing long distance on and off for a year, and apparently he’s been living with another woman each time we’ve been apart, making excuses for why he has to leave to each of us. I just found almost four years worth of emails from her and sex tapes between them and pictures and the like. I looked through his computer after finding a note in his backpack while I was cleaning (the pockets were wide open and it was right on top). We have been talking about if he was going to move up here to Minnesota with me or stay in Texas, until I lost my job and he came up right away to help me. The note I found was a pros and cons list. The pros were a bunch of sweet things about how he could be with me again and yada yada. He also listed how he could stop living a double life. My heart stopped. Then for the cons he wrote that he “won’t get to fuck Stefany anymore”. She was someone he worked with and we’ve chatted a bunch of times and she new we were together. We’ve been engaged for over a year now, and we’ve been together for seven years. I was so completely in love with him. We’ve been planning our wedding (thankfully haven’t put any money down). We were living apart in different states recently and he just moved back in with me last week because I lost my job and I had just moved out by myself, so I needed financial help. I’m so sick right now. I still haven’t been able to find a job, I’ve been to quite a few interviews and filled out over 100 applications in the past week, I’ve just had no luck getting called back. I don’t know what to do. He was so important to me and he was my best friend, and his family treated me better than my own family does. They were all so special to me. My would-be sister in law is pregnant and I was getting so excited to finally be an aunt. I can’t live on my own right now until I start making money. I’ve waisted so much of my life to make him comfortable. I’ve stopped talking to friends, I’ve been butting heads with my parents since they think he’s an airhead, he got me pregnant earlier this year and pressured me to get an abortion since we could barely afford to take care of ourselves, which was true but I would have found a way to make it work. I still cry every night about our lost baby. I wanted it more than anything. He’s a completely different person in my eyes now. I feel sick just thinking of sharing a bed with him tonight. I just moved and I don’t even have a couch or anything I could sleep on instead. I’m so scared. He tells me he loves me all the time. And I know he must care a little since he came up here at the drop of a hat to help me when I lost my job two weeks ago. But in all the emails they talk about how much they love each other too. How do I handle this?? I know I have to kick him out at some point, I just don’t know how or when. It kills me because I don’t want things to end and I wish I could just pretend I don’t know anything. And he gave up an offer from his dream job to come up here to help me. And almost everything I have belongs to him (bed, tv, dressers, chair, etc.), so if he leaves I have nothing but my clothes. And I can’t move back to my home state because I just signed a 12 month lease in September. Besides him, I’m all alone up here. No friends and my family just moved out of state.