I wanted this for so long now i feel horrible

Ive been trying for two years to get pregnant. Surprise after a miscarriage and a ruptured cyst im finally pregnant. My husband cheated on me. Before i got pregnant but told me after. Nothingbi seem to do is right. I cant raise this child alone i suffer from bpd. Severe anxiety and depression. For two years ive been a model wife worker and provider and last week when he told me i felt my world shatter. Then i lost my job. I dont believe in abortion and is i have another miscarriage i know it will be all my fault. I cant help but wonder is having this baby is the right thing. Ive been so depressed lately all i can think of is self harm.its selfish and im fighting it. I have noone but my therapist to talk to. Everytime i try to speak to my husband he makes it known how stupid he thinnks i sound. I just wish hed listen. I wish i was enough. At this point idk what to do.