Hi all, have been suffering ocd since I was a kid..it’s been a rollercoaster ride since..with relapses on and off..things got worse after I got pregnant..I was afraid to eat..step out of my room..was stuck in the shower for hours..I was so afraid of everything I would just sleep.

My baby is currently 6 weeks old..things seems to be getting worse..I’m breastfeeding..my old triggers came back..new triggers start to form more and more each day..I can’t stop washing myself thinking she might ingest something from my body if I’m careful..things I’ve touched used..I’m afraid my skin will absorb it..even the things I consume..it’s getting out of hand..I stopped breastfeeding and been pumping and dumping..I’m so heartbroken and lost..I’m tired of my ocd..tired of myself..my husband too..feel like everything’s falling apart..and I wanna give up and just disappear..

I am getting therapy..been getting..but it hasn’t done much in improving anything..I tried exposure practices at home..good days Im okay..but today I lost it..I stayed in the shower for 3 hours..fighting my thoughts..my triggers anything that might harm the baby..i feel like a terrible mom..I love my baby and husband so much but I’m messing things up :’(