Would you be upset if your SO was still talking to their ex???? 😩

Question

My SO and I are getting married in February and are expecting our first child in March. We have been together for 3.5 years and we have such a beautiful loving life together. 
My SO lost his virginity to a girl when they were 15 (he is now 32) and they dated for 2 years. They had a bit of a break and she ended up falling pregnant to another guy who she now has 3 kids with and is married to. 
Prior to getting married (but after she had her children) she kissed my partner and told him she wished things were different and that she wishes it was my partner she was with. He never acted on it and just gave her space. 
They still message each other every year for each other’s birthdays but don’t ever see each other. I don’t feel comfortable with that at all but she is a family friend and I hate the idea of telling him they can’t message each other. 
For the past week or so I have felt really uneasy and I had no idea why. I felt like maybe my partner was regretting proposing or something even though he didn’t do or say anything to make me think that. #womansintuition
I’m away at the moment for work so my partner and I were talking on the phone and I mentioned his ex girlfriends name and whether or not he would want her at our wedding. He said ‘no’ but then mentioned that she called him the other day to say congratulations on his engagement (my future SIL told her). I asked if she knew I was pregnant and he said ‘she does now’. I asked how the conversation went and he said he told her how he proposed and that was about it. 
I hate this!!! I hate this so much that I am with someone who I love and want to spend my life with but I am insecure about him being in contact with an ex girlfriend. 
I 100% trust him to never cheat on me, but I hate this connection he has with her and that he doesn’t see it as a problem. I feel like the way their relationship ended when they were 17 has left things unresolved for them both. 
I know I am hormonal and pregnant, but I have been feeling this way for a couple of years. I’ll get upset, he’ll reassure me that he only wants to be with me, I’ll feel better but then her name will pop up 4-5 months later and I’ll get upset again.
Do you think I need to just let this go? Or do you think I have a right to be upset?

Answer

In our relationship and yes, it's different for everyone ... We don't communicate with ex's. An ex is an ex for a reason.

Answer

I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable with it because her intentions seem “off”
She still has lingering feelings.
But sadly you acted as if this was ok because she’s a family friend, so you’ve watched their friendship blossom.
I feel like after a certain time of feeling uncomfortable, that you should speak up. 
If he is a good understanding guy then he’d stop communication and let her hear about your awesome life through the grape vine!
Please update me as to how this turns out.

Answer

I get why you’re uncomfortable, I do. But high school relationships are different, and they’ve been broken up over a decade. She’s married. They were together during that growing up stage with their families too. 
If he hangs out with her and doesn’t tell you, different story. But from what you wrote that’s not the case. Perhaps try to befriend her, she already talks to your SIL. You might find she’s a really nice person and like hanging out with her too.

Answer

So i guess I'm the odd woman out because i don't care that his ex from over a decade ago still tells him happy birthday. I don't think he tells her happy birthday but he doesn't tell anyone except me and his family. He's not very active on fb. I was insecure about a more recent ex when i found out she was reaching out to him but he knew her intentions and blocked her. 
If he's up front and honest with you- then maybe you should trust him until he gives you a reason not to

Answer

I’ve been in a very similar situation like this before, minus the pregnancy. My husband had a best friend of 15+ years. The would talk every single day over text or Snapchat before he met me, she was married at the time. They would flirt  and when I came in the picture I put a stop to it right away and left him because I couldn’t believe how disrespectful they were both being to her husband. He said he didn’t even know that she was coming on to him and that they had always talked like that even before she met her now exhusband. We worked it out and I told him if he wanted to move forward and build a life together and not as a threesome he had to let her go.....she didn’t take it well. But he realized then what she was doing. She was trying to get him to be with her so she could leave her husband. I still think they were both responsible for their actions but I would talk to him and let him know you aren’t comfortable with the situation. I hope it works out for you and your family.

Answer

I wouldn’t feel comfortable at all and you need to speak up and tell him. There is absolutely no reason she needs to know about what’s going on in your lives!

Answer

No... cos my partner's ex stole 2k from him... 
Keeping her sweet until she pays up...
However I hate the woman, I want him to get his money. If he doesn't then she can piss right off

Answer

In my relationship I’m in, we don’t communicate with an ex. It’s an ex for a reason. They are behind us, in the past. Now, my fiancé still has to talk to 2 of those ex’s because he has 2 kids. But that’s different because he doesn’t talk to them every day, or text them every day and what not. Only if it’s regarding the child is when they communicate

Answer

I personally find no reason for him or his family to be in contact with her anymore. I had issues with my husband ex. Not with my husband but with his family. I was constantly seeing posts between her and his family on FB. And it wasn’t even just happy birthdays. It was omg it was so great to see you, miss you so much! ❤️. Yeah after 3 years of dealing with it (I’d mention it to my husband how it bothered me but I’d always tell him not to mention it to his family because I didn’t want to start drama). But then my MIL posted on FB that she wanted to do one of those painting with a twist things and if anyone wanted to do it with her and immediately my husbands ex comments saying she would love too. Yeah that’s when I put a stop to it. I messaged her and said “don’t you think it’s time you remove yourself from my husbands family.” She was pissed off and made nasty comments to me but I didn’t care anymore. I was not comfortable with her being involved in my family. If she is involved with my husbands family, she’s involved in my family/life and that’s not necessary. She doesn’t need to see pictures of my husband and I. She doesn’t need to see pictures of our son. She doesn’t need to know how my family is doing. She’s been long out of their lives as we’ve been together for 5 years. My MIL removed her on FB and doesn’t speak with her anymore. I personally think an ex is an ex for a reason. Yes do some relationships end on good terms? Of course. But there’s still not reason to be involved unless the two have children together. She thought just because they were in each others lives prior to me that she was entitled to keep her relationships with my in laws and to me that’s a bullshit excuse. I was with my ex for 4 years and his family was literally like my family. They treated me so well and I loved them so much, but the second we stopped dating, I stopped speaking to them. They are great people but we moved on. It’s honestly just a respect thing.

Would you be upset if your SO was still talking to their ex???? 😩

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