PTSD *trigger warning* venting


I just wanna vent ...Alright so, I have PTSD from past relationships and rape (I hate that word)

I have been to therapy, taken meds ECT.

Now my PTSD is physical, when I have sex I become non respondent sometimes and shake, repeat usually two things "no" or "I'm sorry"

It has gotten a hell of a lot better because at what point my fiance would have to hold me down so I wouldn't get hurt from shaking so much (I have banged my head pretty hard)

Now it only happens maybe 1 out of maybe 10 times instead of all the time now

But sometimes it does make it stressful since I'm TTC and that requires sex and I'm not always sure when the PTSD will come on.

So it's kinda a bummer when I get AF after trying to swallow some internal battling and doing a ton of BD

But like I really want a family and you gotta hit that ovulation window to get pregnant so sometimes I get frustrated w/ myself when my PTSD acts up ....

But like I said I just needed to vent, thanks for reading

Also if anyone has a similar experience let me know ... So i don't feel so alone in the silent battle of PTSD ..