I've tried to be very helpful and gentle towards my husbands mom dying. You know how someone gets pregnant after a family member dies...well that's me. 5 months pregnant and she died 6 months ago. We weren't trying, it was an utter surprise that were so excited for....

Well there have been a couple moments I really had to keep my mouth shut and battle my depression on my own. He brings up his mom everytime I talk about the baby. And I get it, he wants her here for this and I do too, I just want him to focus on me a little bit more. Everyone calls me selfish when I bring that up which yeah maybe it is, but I'm gonna be a first time momma and want him to enjoy thse factors too! When we first heard the baby's heartbeat, he cried and I was like awe how sweet.

We got in the car after the appt and I told him how sweet I thought it was that he cried at the hearing of the heartbeat. He goes, oh I wasnt crying over that. I was crying because my mom didn't get a gentle doctor like you got lucky with.

Oh.

I asked him to get me a body pillow on his way home and yes I havent had one yet...now its SUPER uncomfortable to sleep at night. He forgot it, so I just said I'll remind you tomorrow. He goes, look my mom didnt get that luxury...why should you?

I just felt that was unnecessary but okay...I'll just keep my extra pillows.

Now he's asking for me to consider naming the baby after her. So I compromised and added a Lynn at the end of the name because it's part of my name...he said that sounded ugly and just wants it to be her name. Middle name and everything.

I seriously got so mad and said hell no, I don't even like that name period, we could at least compromise so I'm represented as well.

When his dad or any of his family touch my belly, they automatically start talking to her like it's his mom...it drives me nuts I'm like this baby is not your mom or wife...its my baby and she will become whoever's she wants to be. Even my own friends are saying this baby is probably his mom being reborn because it's a girl...

Now my depression is hitting me that maybe I'm just being used as a vessel and no one cares about my feelings. I loved his mom, but just feel everyone's more worried about her coming out as his mom more than anything. It's made me resent them. And if I get called selfish for this post, so be it, it's nothing new.

Just needed to rant, theres some other things but too much to post.