So a couple years ago I was dating this guy. I didn't date him long but it was shortly after my divorce and I realize now I wasn't ready to start dating. Anyways, this guy was super nice in the beginning and took care of me. As the relationship progressed, it came out that he had bipolar and PTSD from when he was in Afghanistan. He would talk about his past relationship and how it was toxic. He had a couple DUIs and was drinking daily. Red flags. I know. But after my divorce I just didn't want to be alone and I wanted to feel loved. I also started drinking daily when I was with him. One night when he was drunk, he slapped me across the face in a joking manner, but it was a lot harder than he meant to and immediately apologized afterwards. The slaps became more frequent but I stayed. I know more red flags. Then one night he was plastered, I was a little tipsy and he raped me. I remember clearly telling him no. He held me down by my throat and continued doing what he wanted. I left my body in that moment. I didn't know what else to do. I figured, if I just lay here and take it, the sooner it will be over. After that, I left and never went back. Fast forward to this past April, im in a loving relationship and everything is normal, thought I was past it, and then I started having flashbacks while I was intimate with my partner. I was having dreams about it nightly. I was really fucked up. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I confided in my dad and my sister. My dad didn't really have much to say about things as he never does but my sister said "well you went back to him after he hit you, what did you expect?" I didn't expect he would rape me! She has not supported me a single bit through my PTSD. She tells me "we all have problems". Well this has really fucked with me to the point of deep depression, suicidal thoughts, effecting my job (can't hold one because I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning so I just say fuck it), effecting my relationship and my school work. I'm in therapy and on medication but I don't feel like it's helping. It's expensive with no insurance. The thing that upsets me the most though is feeling completely alone in this. I thought the one person I could count on was my sister because we have been there for each other through everything (we were abused as kids) but now it's like she wants nothing to do with me. It just really sucks. I'm sad and feel worthless and alone. How can I get over this?