Not enough.

I feel like my boyfriend wants something thats not me. Because ive seen what porn he looks at. Idc if he does but i know im never going to look that way or ever be that sexy/beautiful. All the pics he has looked at i just hate myself so much. Im trying to get skinnier and keep up with myself but its so hard. Im a first time mom. Stay at home mom. I have a ut c section scar. And i suffer from some mental illnesses. I just hate myself so much. I wish i could be better i wish o was like those women. I just want to be attractive. I just needed to get that out. I love my precious little baby and i love him. But i dony even want him to see me naked or even touch me. I feel disgusting. He doesnt know i saw what he looked at. I was being nosy and i know thats my fault for being nosy. I just idk i want to give up. Anyways thanks for reading i needed to get it out.