Grief and pain

A month ago I lost my boyfriend. He had stopped breathing in his sleep. 😔 This has been beyond words can even describe. The pain and grief is excruciating! He was my everything! In such a dark cruel world he was my light to see! He was my air to breath! I can’t even describe how in love with him I was/am, we had the most incredible connection in the world. I truly believe we were meant for each other. It’s completely indescribable the love we had, it was/is everything to me! I’ve had some past traumas resurface and he was my greatest support. He never judged me or made me feel anything but loved and cherished. He was all I ever thought about and continues to be all that crosses my mind. Literally every second of the day in thinking about him. It hurts so much! I’ll never be able to see him, or feel his warmth, or hear his soothing voice. We won’t be able to share laughs or moments ever again. I’m very upset about the fact that we never got to experience marriage or start a family. He never got to experience fatherhood. He would’ve been the best dad in the world! 😞 . I try my best to hold onto good memories and let it bring me joy, but I can’t right now, it just hurts which is even more upsetting to me because I know it would kill him to know I’m in so much pain. brain and body hurt but most of all my heart hurts. 😣 I want to scream. It hurts so much.