Today I Struggled

I’m pregnant with my second child after losing my first at almost full term. Today was hard, I just feel so guilty that I love this baby. I don’t know if it’s wrong to feel that way, but part of me feels like loving this one means that my first is losing out on something. Just feel like a very poor mother today. So many tears. So many fears. No guarantees and what feels like an endless, dark, twisting journey right now.

So much more I could write but I’m actually a little scared to. Sorry if this makes no sense.