I just feel lost

I hate being depressed. It’s the most horrible thing having to fight with your own mind. I compare myself to a lot of people my own age and I just think why am I not doing that in the stage of my life? Not driving not working. I just feel like I’m living for nothing. I feel like a disappointment to my family. I have pushed them away. I have panic attack just walking down the street 😞 I would never wish this on my worst enemy. It’s horrific. The only thing that is keeping me alive is my little sister. It breaks my heart feeling hopeless and that I’m never going to be good enough in this world. I’m just not happy. I’ve tried to change it around but why is nothing changing ? I have been battling for way too long now and I just feel like the end is near. I can’t open up to my parents because I am scared. I’m 18. I just feel like a disgrace. I feel like a problem to my parents. I’m really suffering. How can a then 15 years old be so bubbly and quirky who helps everybody out and makes sure everyone is happy turn into something so miserable and irritated and just depressed. I hope somebody reads this and just takes the time to understand. I don’t know what to do anymore.