I always ruin everything

Last weekend was my bday so I invited few friends, my bestfriend and my flatmates. We started to drink and I was flirting too much with my flatmate (he knew that I like him and he likes or liked me back, After last weekend Idk ) and I started to also ask him if he likes my roommate and why does he likes me ( tiny miny thing that I forgot to say: I have BPD with psychotic symptoms so the fear of abandonment, overthinking and hallucinations are like a normal routine for me). When my roommate came home I argued with her because couple of days before she was like " Oh maybe he likes me and bla bla bla" or "what if he Is gonna flirt with another girl?". I kinda adressed her at the party in front of him but only the day after I started to put the pieces together about my behaviour (I wasn't even drunk but I can Say that alcohol gave me the little confidence that I needed to talk to her). After I talked to my bestfriend he told me that he saw that I was acting differently and he tried to stop me (he know about my mental illness). Now with my roommate (that she knew since May about my illness but never took It seriously) we're not talking and with my flatmate ( that he doesn't know about it) well we just say hi and I basically run away but I Always feel like he Is very disappointed about what happened last weekend. I basically ruined everything and now I'm just isolating myself from my flatmate because I'm really embarassed about what happened and Idk I just feel like a monster.